Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
