Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
