Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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