They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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