Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just invented taco cereal.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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