My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
