It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
