Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
