yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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