I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
