im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
