so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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