we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
