she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I didn't notice because vodka
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
