His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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