just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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