In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
