I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
