I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
