The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
