I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Of course I have a pirate flag
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
