I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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