i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
