Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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