Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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