Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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