I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
