I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
