I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
