Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
