If that was your dad, he is hot
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
