i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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