Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
