He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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