her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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