Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
