he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
