I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
