Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
