Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
