You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
