White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
