I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
