i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
