Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
