You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
