U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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