I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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