god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
