When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
