my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my poor anus
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
