I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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